God's Instructions for Marriage

As much as I’ve laid out the mess that so many people and marriages are in recently, I want to start providing some solutions. That’s going to be my goal over the next several weeks, to lay out in a simple way, what the husband and what the wife must do in order to have a marriage they would wish for anyone.

Today I’m going to set up the context for God’s instructions for marriage. Over the coming weeks I’m going to lay out very specifically what the husband and wife roles look like according to God’s Word, so you’ll definitely want to dial back in over the next week or two. Let’s start with this:

Society has a certain perception of marriage; 1.) Casual View – no lasting commitment, 2.) Feelings View – based on current passion, 3.) Separate lives view – living together like roommates, and finally there’s 4.) Dictatorial View - the male is dominant and superior.

All of these are warped perceptions of marriage. Is this what God intended when He ordained marriage? No, absolutely not!!

I once heard a teaching on the radio and the pastor was talking about couples that were on the verge of divorce and were meeting with him for counseling. Before he would agree to meet with them, he would ask them these three questions:

·         Are you both born again followers of Jesus Christ?

·         Do you believe that the Bible is the inspired, infallible, inherent, word of God?

·         Well then, based on your positive answer to those two questions, are you willing to submit to it?

WOW – What a heavy statement! Are you willing to submit to it (God’s Word)? I guess everything in life when you come right down to it boils down to that very question; Are you willing to submit yourself to God’s instruction, to His written Word?

You see, in all of the years that I have counseled marriages that are on the verge of divorce, the one single common denominator is that one or both people within the marriage relationship is selfish. They fail to live up to their end of the bargain as far as what the word of God instructs them to do. So what then does God instruct them to do? What is their role in the marriage relationship?

The counter intuitive thing about God’s Word when you want to look up a topic like this is to realize that if you want to learn what a man needs, you look up wife and come to find that God’s Word is very clear to her on what she needs to do to meet the needs of her husband. The same goes for what a woman needs. You don’t look up wife; you would look up husband and come to find that God is very clear with the man as to what he needs to do within the marriage relationship to meet the needs of his wife.

I’ve often told young couples that I premarital counsel, “Marriage is not rocket science. It’s really quite easy because God’s Word clearly lays the details out. The difficulty then is whether or not we’re willing to sacrifice our wants, needs, and desires for the sake of the others wants, needs, and desires.

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition as culture has taught us over the years. In God’s eyes, marriage is a 100/100 proposition and you have to be willing to sacrifice “self” for the sake of “other.” Ultimately, isn’t that what Christ did for us?

I’ll start by addressing the role of the husband first in my next blog.

Thanks for tuning in! Blessings, Todd

Men of God

As I’ve mentioned in previous blog entries the world around us is unraveling at an unprecedented rate. I’m absolutely not a doom and gloom type person, but one of my primary roles these days at Horizons is to counsel with individuals and couples about the struggles they are facing and I see first hand the pain and hurt people are dealing with on a daily basis. One struggle that is coming fast and furious is divorce. If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you know that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), so why then are so many Christians getting divorced?

This topic is incredibly complex and would be far to difficult to lay out in a blog format such as this, but suffice it to say, I believe from what I’ve seen through my own personal experience, is that generally speaking, the man within the marriage relationship is not living up to his end of the bargain as far as what God’s Word calls him to do as a husband and father. Now DON’T hear me say that men are always to blame! I made that statement in general terms. There are a lot of reasons perhaps for that being the case; the main one being that I believe in general the woman is further along spiritually in life than the man and therefore he may have never had any teaching about what his role is to be?? Again, this is another topic in and of itself, so I don’t want to get bogged down with it at this time.  

The other factor that greatly contributes to the divorce of Christians is that both people, men and women, are allowing their feelings and emotions to dictate behavior and decisions. Rather than living out 2 Corinthians 10:5, “we are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”, they forget that we’re commanded to look to God’s Word when we make decisions. Instead, they take the easier route of allowing their feelings and emotions to dictate their behavior and decisions.

So how does Horizons hope to address the man’s end of the bargain? Several months ago the Lord began working on me as I saw couple after couple rotate through my office on their way to divorce. The question that kept plaguing me was this, “What if, just what if, we could have reached these marriages a few years sooner? What if there had been a system in place that would have been easy and non-intimidating for them to plug into to get help? What if the men had been trained, motivated and held more accountable to what God’s Word instructed them to do?” All of these questions and more got me thinking about scheduling our first ever men’s breakfast. My thought is that if we can gather men together in a safe and fun environment, give them Godly teaching on their role as husband and father, introduce them to other Godly men to develop friendships with, and add to that some man to man accountability, maybe just maybe, men would be in a position to learn from God’s Word, receive conviction from the Holy Spirit, and start living up to the expectations God sets forth in His Word for them.

Our first Men’s Breakfast is scheduled for Saturday morning, January 16 from 9:00am – 11:00am. Jim Johnson will be our featured speaker that morning along with a number of other simple programming elements. We’re still working on the details of what this will completely look like, so please be sure to keep your eye on the bulletin and website for more details.

Let me close with this one last thought. Once again, I am not making blanket or dogmatic statements in what’s addressed above. Every circumstance and situation is unique and different. My comments above are based on nearly 15 years of working with couples in distress. In particular, working with couples over the last two years has magnified the points referenced many times over. This unfortunately is the reality I see and the disaster that is ensuing within the Body of Christ in an exponential way.

2010 Missions Opportunities

Well… we’re beginning to lay the groundwork for our 2010 mission calendar. We will be producing a brochure in four month increments as to make sure everything stays up to date and relevant to the direction the Lord is taking us. There are going to be a couple of new and exciting opportunities for people to connect in local, national or global mission opportunities.

On the local side, we are bringing back a popular option by serving again with the Alexandra House. Elizabeth Estepp is researching and setting up several opportunities to serve there. We worked with the Alexandra House a couple of years ago and that was a very popular option that people really had a heart for, but for one reason or another it was never followed up on. The other local opportunity is with an organization called the “Hope Lodge.” Mark Quaas and a small group of people have been working with this organization for a while now that go down to serve a meal. Mark will be heading up several opportunities to connect with this organization.

On the national side, we are going to be taking a team down to Crookson, Oklahoma in April. Orin Volkman will be leading this group and this mission trip is primarily focused around light construction work at a setting located on 1000 acres at the foothills of the Ozark Mountains in rural Northeastern Oklahoma. Cookson Hills provides a rustic and relaxing retreat for children requiring out-of-home care.

On the global side, we will continue to send teams to Ensenada, but this year we will be sending a team to Jamaica in June. This eight day journey features one of God’s special creation locations.  The Jamaica trips provide a variety of opportunities, as the teams will be constructing an addition to the Jamaica Christian School for the Deaf, love on His kids at a local orphanage, and support the local church through hands-on ministry.  Each evening will conclude with a time for worship, teaching and small group debriefing.  At the conclusion of the time in Jamaica the team will spend a day at the area craft market, the beach and Dunns River Falls.

So as you can quickly see, there will be a lot of great opportunities to get in the game and have your life forever changed by serving in a local, national or global missions opportunity. If you’ve never been on a mission team, you owe it to yourself to step out in faith and get involved in one. When I went to Biloxi Mississippi, it forever changed my life. In my next post I will share some thoughts on what I experienced in Biloxi.

Blessings!

Do you need help?

Horizons Community Church “Help Resources”

As a church we are seeing an unprecedented level of pain and hurt within individuals and families lives. We are committed to being a church that demonstrates Christ’s love and compassion to all. Wherever you’re at, whatever you’re facing, we want to be here for you as much as we can.

If you do not see something below that fits for exact needs, please let us know what you’re facing. If we can’t find a solution here at the church, we would be happy to listen and happy to help get you pointed in the right direction where someone may be able to help.

The bottom line is that we want you to know that you’re not in this alone!

Need help with Thanksgiving and or Christmas – If you and your family have been impacted by the economy and or job loss and could use a hand this Holiday Season with food and or presents for the kids, please let us know. We can help possibly in a number of ways; 1.) Put you in contact with the North Anoka County Emergency Food Shelf (763-434-7685) or 2.) Connect you with an individual, family, or small group here at Horizons that want to help you and your family. For information on this piece, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113. Please know that we will keep you anonymous through this process.

Marriage Mentors – By the time most marriages reach out for help, it’s too late. Don’t you want to do something about it before it is too late? Marriage Mentors are couples who care and want to see your marriage succeed and flourish! They will come along side of you, love on you, hold you accountable, and help to steer your marriage in a healthy direction. For more information, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113.

One on One Mentoring – Could you use someone to come along side of you in an effort to bring consistency, accountability and growth back into your life? Are you tired of the habitual struggles you face and you see the need of having a Godly Christian man or woman partner with you? If you see value in “One on One Mentoring” this is for you. For more information, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113.

I’m Hurting and Can’t Seem to Get Better – This course will help you to find Jesus when you need him most, learn how to become free of your brokenness, and find the joy the Bible talks about. This course begins Tuesday, December 1 at 7:00PM in the Wiggle Room. Class size limited to eight. For more information and to reserve your spot, please call Cheryl Knoll at 320.905.9322.

Impacted by Addiction – Are you looking for a group that will help you deal with a spouse, parent, or sibling who has an addiction? If so, this group may be for you. It will help you deal with these problems and give you support as you deal with the issues that arise. This support group is Christian based with a Christ Centered focus. Anyone 18 and older is welcome. Starts Thursday, October 29 and will meet weekly every Thursday night here at Horizons in the “Wiggle Room” from 7:00pm – 8:30pm. For questions, please call Deb Settambrino at 763.898.0317.

Small Groups - Practically speaking, there will never be a way for the staff or leadership of Horizons to personally minister to everyone who attends our church. That’s why we place such a high premium on small group life. Small groups are made up of four to six couples or five to eight individuals and are the place where people are personally encouraged and challenged in their relationship with God and each other. For more information, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113.

Thinking about Christianity or maybe you just became a Christian? We have two options for you; 1.)  First Steps takes a mentor that is equipped to teach a person in a one-on-one relationship using a First Steps Discipleship Workbook, which is written in a ten-lesson format dealing with the topics of assurance, priorities, overcoming temptation and sin, and the spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible study, fellowship, evangelism and discipleship. This workbook is easy to use, and in just one hour per week, a mentor can teach another in 10-12 weeks the basics of Christianity. 2.) Starting Point is a conversational small group environment where people can explore faith and experience community over a period of time. It’s perfect for those who are curious about God, Jesus, the Bible, or Christianity, those who have just begun a relationship with Jesus Christ or those who have some church experience, but have been away for a while. For more information, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113.

Crown Financial – Are you struggling financially? In today’s day and age this is fast becoming one of the greatest issues facing people in our community. Crown Financial is a Biblically based ministry that teaches us about what God’s Word has to say about our finances and how we should be managing our finances. Not only does it teach the Biblical side of things, it also teaches us practically about things like developing and living within a budget, how to develop a debt reduction plan, how to start saving, how to invest wisely, and much more. For more information, please call Todd LaVine at 763.413.7210 x113.

Are you in a “911” counseling situation? – There are some things that you may be going through that are just beyond what we can help with. At this time we do not have any trained psychologists on staff, so when situations present themselves that are beyond us helping, we refer people to one of several Christian Counseling Services:

• Agape Christian Counseling – Andover – 763-862-2211
  
  
• Family Innovations – Anoka – 763-421-4632
  
  
• Hope Counseling – Wyoming – 651-462-6644
  
  
• Nystrom and Associates – New Brighton and Elk River/Otsego - 651-628-9566
  
  

Healing and Recovery

One thing that has become apparent to me is the alarmingly high rate of pain and hurt people are experiencing in today’s day and age. I have seen and observed first hand an amazing increase with individuals and families that are in what I would call a “911” situation. Marriages on the brink of divorce are by far the “911” type of situation that I deal with most.

My theory to this acceleration over the last two years is this. If I were to rate people on an emotional richter scale of one to ten, one being the lowest/best and ten being the highest/worst, people have been operating and living their lives in the seven or eight range for many years. They have been coasting along with a mediocre, ho hum life and just dealing with it as it comes. On top of that, you throw into the equation what’s gone on in our world over the last few years; the bottom falling out of our economy, the massive job loss, terrorism, continued global concerns, etc. I believe what we’re seeing now are those emotional richter scales blowing through the ten lid and kissing even higher numbers that are probably in the twelve to fifteen range.

The outcome of all this is people losing all sense of reality and making decisions not really directed by God, but being directed by their emotions and feelings. They think it’s God, but in all reality, it’s really not. The bottom line outcome is that people are checking out on their personal responsibility and making the easiest and most convenient decisions for themselves, at that moment in time. The decisions for married people, in most cases are involving divorce. The fracturing of the marriage and family is deemed the easiest and quickest short term solution without regard to the negative and traumatic wake they will cause in the long term.

I could go on and on about this subject, but for the most part once a person has made up their mind, it’s made up. Short of God directly intervening, the person driving the divorce is going to go through with it and all the lives involved are going to be negatively impacted forever.

Now please do not hear me saying that people should stay married when there is some type of abuse, i.e. physical, emotional, verbal, etc. This is a separate and different subject in itself. The entire purpose of this particular post is to highlight the great disaster of destroyed marriages and families and what the church can do to hopefully curb what’s happening.

Over my next few blog entries I plan to share the heart of where I believe God is taking Horizons Community Church as it pertains to helping the hurting. How can we head off people getting to this point? How can we provide resources that people can easily access that will help them to start taking their emotional richter scales in a positive direction?
On top of this, this is only one topic. The church needs to be able to address ALL the hurting and broken people. People who suffer from divorce, domestic violence, abuse, depression, addictions, clinical disorders, loss of a loved one and the list could go on and on.

Our goal is going to be to establish the church as the source for healing. To steer people to the only, and the ultimate source of healing, that which is Jesus Christ. To create a place where people can find one on one or couple on couple Pastoral care, where people can find support and recovery or where people can find Christ Centered professional counseling. That’s what I want to share over the coming blog entries.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing with you over the coming days and weeks!

Todd

My First Blog Post

My first ever blog post! At first look I thought to myself, who could ever possibly care about what I think. I mean, who am I? Do I really have anything valuable to say? I’m not a celebrity, I’m not famous, outside of a small circle of friends, my church home and my workplace at Horizons, I don’t really know many other people.

As I set up Jimmy, Lisa and Liz to start blogging I kept thinking to myself, “Maybe I should do a blog. No I thought to myself. Who would ever want to hear my thoughts? But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t escape it.” So here I go, starting my first blog. Maybe God has a plan for it. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. Maybe the Holy Spirit is going to use the thoughts I put out in this blog to touch or impact someone’s life. With technology being the way it is in this day and age, who knows, you never know who might run across this blog and be touched by it in some way, shape or form!

So here goes:

I’m thinking this blog thing is going to be pretty random in what is communicated. I see things like:

• What am I observing within the Body of Christ as an Executive Pastor?
• Where do I see the Lord taking us as a church?
• What am I learning in scripture and prayer?
• What things am reading and studying to better understand culture?
• What do I see as stumbling blocks that are keeping the Lord’s power from manifesting in our presence?
• What convictions is the Lord revealing to me on a daily basis?

These are just a few of the things that I can see myself posting about on this blog. My greatest prayer in all of this is that the Lord would use this investment of time to lead people to him and to bring glory and honor to His name!!