God's Instructions for Marriage

As much as I’ve laid out the mess that so many people and marriages are in recently, I want to start providing some solutions. That’s going to be my goal over the next several weeks, to lay out in a simple way, what the husband and what the wife must do in order to have a marriage they would wish for anyone.

Today I’m going to set up the context for God’s instructions for marriage. Over the coming weeks I’m going to lay out very specifically what the husband and wife roles look like according to God’s Word, so you’ll definitely want to dial back in over the next week or two. Let’s start with this:

Society has a certain perception of marriage; 1.) Casual View – no lasting commitment, 2.) Feelings View – based on current passion, 3.) Separate lives view – living together like roommates, and finally there’s 4.) Dictatorial View - the male is dominant and superior.

All of these are warped perceptions of marriage. Is this what God intended when He ordained marriage? No, absolutely not!!

I once heard a teaching on the radio and the pastor was talking about couples that were on the verge of divorce and were meeting with him for counseling. Before he would agree to meet with them, he would ask them these three questions:

·         Are you both born again followers of Jesus Christ?

·         Do you believe that the Bible is the inspired, infallible, inherent, word of God?

·         Well then, based on your positive answer to those two questions, are you willing to submit to it?

WOW – What a heavy statement! Are you willing to submit to it (God’s Word)? I guess everything in life when you come right down to it boils down to that very question; Are you willing to submit yourself to God’s instruction, to His written Word?

You see, in all of the years that I have counseled marriages that are on the verge of divorce, the one single common denominator is that one or both people within the marriage relationship is selfish. They fail to live up to their end of the bargain as far as what the word of God instructs them to do. So what then does God instruct them to do? What is their role in the marriage relationship?

The counter intuitive thing about God’s Word when you want to look up a topic like this is to realize that if you want to learn what a man needs, you look up wife and come to find that God’s Word is very clear to her on what she needs to do to meet the needs of her husband. The same goes for what a woman needs. You don’t look up wife; you would look up husband and come to find that God is very clear with the man as to what he needs to do within the marriage relationship to meet the needs of his wife.

I’ve often told young couples that I premarital counsel, “Marriage is not rocket science. It’s really quite easy because God’s Word clearly lays the details out. The difficulty then is whether or not we’re willing to sacrifice our wants, needs, and desires for the sake of the others wants, needs, and desires.

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition as culture has taught us over the years. In God’s eyes, marriage is a 100/100 proposition and you have to be willing to sacrifice “self” for the sake of “other.” Ultimately, isn’t that what Christ did for us?

I’ll start by addressing the role of the husband first in my next blog.

Thanks for tuning in! Blessings, Todd

Men of God

As I’ve mentioned in previous blog entries the world around us is unraveling at an unprecedented rate. I’m absolutely not a doom and gloom type person, but one of my primary roles these days at Horizons is to counsel with individuals and couples about the struggles they are facing and I see first hand the pain and hurt people are dealing with on a daily basis. One struggle that is coming fast and furious is divorce. If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you know that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), so why then are so many Christians getting divorced?

This topic is incredibly complex and would be far to difficult to lay out in a blog format such as this, but suffice it to say, I believe from what I’ve seen through my own personal experience, is that generally speaking, the man within the marriage relationship is not living up to his end of the bargain as far as what God’s Word calls him to do as a husband and father. Now DON’T hear me say that men are always to blame! I made that statement in general terms. There are a lot of reasons perhaps for that being the case; the main one being that I believe in general the woman is further along spiritually in life than the man and therefore he may have never had any teaching about what his role is to be?? Again, this is another topic in and of itself, so I don’t want to get bogged down with it at this time.  

The other factor that greatly contributes to the divorce of Christians is that both people, men and women, are allowing their feelings and emotions to dictate behavior and decisions. Rather than living out 2 Corinthians 10:5, “we are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”, they forget that we’re commanded to look to God’s Word when we make decisions. Instead, they take the easier route of allowing their feelings and emotions to dictate their behavior and decisions.

So how does Horizons hope to address the man’s end of the bargain? Several months ago the Lord began working on me as I saw couple after couple rotate through my office on their way to divorce. The question that kept plaguing me was this, “What if, just what if, we could have reached these marriages a few years sooner? What if there had been a system in place that would have been easy and non-intimidating for them to plug into to get help? What if the men had been trained, motivated and held more accountable to what God’s Word instructed them to do?” All of these questions and more got me thinking about scheduling our first ever men’s breakfast. My thought is that if we can gather men together in a safe and fun environment, give them Godly teaching on their role as husband and father, introduce them to other Godly men to develop friendships with, and add to that some man to man accountability, maybe just maybe, men would be in a position to learn from God’s Word, receive conviction from the Holy Spirit, and start living up to the expectations God sets forth in His Word for them.

Our first Men’s Breakfast is scheduled for Saturday morning, January 16 from 9:00am – 11:00am. Jim Johnson will be our featured speaker that morning along with a number of other simple programming elements. We’re still working on the details of what this will completely look like, so please be sure to keep your eye on the bulletin and website for more details.

Let me close with this one last thought. Once again, I am not making blanket or dogmatic statements in what’s addressed above. Every circumstance and situation is unique and different. My comments above are based on nearly 15 years of working with couples in distress. In particular, working with couples over the last two years has magnified the points referenced many times over. This unfortunately is the reality I see and the disaster that is ensuing within the Body of Christ in an exponential way.

2010 Missions Opportunities

Well… we’re beginning to lay the groundwork for our 2010 mission calendar. We will be producing a brochure in four month increments as to make sure everything stays up to date and relevant to the direction the Lord is taking us. There are going to be a couple of new and exciting opportunities for people to connect in local, national or global mission opportunities.

On the local side, we are bringing back a popular option by serving again with the Alexandra House. Elizabeth Estepp is researching and setting up several opportunities to serve there. We worked with the Alexandra House a couple of years ago and that was a very popular option that people really had a heart for, but for one reason or another it was never followed up on. The other local opportunity is with an organization called the “Hope Lodge.” Mark Quaas and a small group of people have been working with this organization for a while now that go down to serve a meal. Mark will be heading up several opportunities to connect with this organization.

On the national side, we are going to be taking a team down to Crookson, Oklahoma in April. Orin Volkman will be leading this group and this mission trip is primarily focused around light construction work at a setting located on 1000 acres at the foothills of the Ozark Mountains in rural Northeastern Oklahoma. Cookson Hills provides a rustic and relaxing retreat for children requiring out-of-home care.

On the global side, we will continue to send teams to Ensenada, but this year we will be sending a team to Jamaica in June. This eight day journey features one of God’s special creation locations.  The Jamaica trips provide a variety of opportunities, as the teams will be constructing an addition to the Jamaica Christian School for the Deaf, love on His kids at a local orphanage, and support the local church through hands-on ministry.  Each evening will conclude with a time for worship, teaching and small group debriefing.  At the conclusion of the time in Jamaica the team will spend a day at the area craft market, the beach and Dunns River Falls.

So as you can quickly see, there will be a lot of great opportunities to get in the game and have your life forever changed by serving in a local, national or global missions opportunity. If you’ve never been on a mission team, you owe it to yourself to step out in faith and get involved in one. When I went to Biloxi Mississippi, it forever changed my life. In my next post I will share some thoughts on what I experienced in Biloxi.

Blessings!